


Ramble On

by ClaireNovaksBitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Tablet (Supernatural), Angst, Attempted Suicide, Bunker, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Episode: s12e06 Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Dean Winchester, Sexual Abuse, angles abusing their powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireNovaksBitch/pseuds/ClaireNovaksBitch
Summary: Named after the Led Zeppelin song, this is a collection of my late night Supernatural ramblings. They will generally be either Destiel or Sam and Dean brother moments (NO W*nc*st).There will be no direct smut, but it may be implied. This is also mostly angst. All of them are in-universe (no AU's) I will update the tags as I go along. At the beginning of every chapter, I will say when it takes place. Thanks, and I hope you like them!
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 22





	1. "Stay for me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 13, after Jack leaves. TW for self-harm and mention of suicide

Castiel had just gotten back to the bunker from a hunt. He was walking to his room when he heard a quiet sniffle as he passed Dean’s room. After a moment of deliberating whether to go in or just ignore it, he decided to go in and check on Dean. 

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw on the other side of that door.

Dean was laying on his bed, tears silently streaming down his face, with his right arm hanging off the side of the bed. But what immediately caught Castiel’s attention was the steady dripping of blood falling from his right wrist, collecting on the floor below. And the hunting knife in his left hand.

For a moment, Castiel was frozen in shock, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Then he slowly started moving toward Dean, who, as it was becoming increasingly obvious, couldn’t hear him. If Castiel had to guess, and he was an exceptional guesser, he would say that Dean was dissociating. He sat down on the opposite side of the bed and put his hand on Dean’s forehead, healing him, while taking the knife away from Dean with the other.

Dean’s eyes opened, clouded with confusion, then realization as he saw Castiel. He stared at Castiel blankly for a moment, then asked one question that broke Castiel’s heart.

“Why?”

“Why what, Dean?” Castiel’s voice was soft, as if he was comforting a distressed child. 

“Why did you save me?”

“Because, contrary to your belief, Dean, you deserve to be saved.” 

Dean sat up and stared at his now-healed wrist with a furrowed brow. 

“But why me” Why do I ‘deserve to be saved’? I mean look at me, man.” He looked over at Castiel with sad eyes. “I’m a mess. I couldn’t save that girl, much less myself. And, unlike other people, I know what comes next. I know I’m going to Hell, might as well arrive ahead of schedule.”

Castiel looked at Dean’s tear-stained face, a face that had lost all hope, lost all faith. He put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, in the exact same place where Dean’s scar was from when he pulled him out of Hell.

“Dean. You’re not going to Hell. You don’t have to go back there ever again.” 

“But-but I’m a killer. I have blood on my hands. So much blood.” Dean stared at his hands as though they were actually covered in blood. Cas could tell by his rapidly increasing heartbeat that Dean was starting to have a panic attack.

“Hey, Dean. You’re not a killer. Trust me. Look- Look at me. You’re not a killer. You are the best person I know, and I’ve met a lot of people. More than you can comprehend. And out of all of them, the only one who I cared about enough to die for is you.” Castiel had tears flowing down his face now, matching Dean’s.

“But that's the problem. You shouldn’t die for me. I’m not worth it. My dad knew it, and I know it. It’s only a matter of time before you realize it too and then you’ll leave. You’ll leave, like they all do. Dad, Mom, Sam, Jack, everyone. And at some point, you will too. And people always say shit like ‘you can’t stay for someone else, you have to stay for yourself’, but I- I can’t. I can’t stay for my-myself. I just- I can’t. I can’t.” Dean had to stop talking because he was close to hyperventilating. Castiel wished he could heal him with his grace, but that only worked for physical wounds, no matter how much he wanted it to be different.

“Stay for me. I can’t promise you that I’ll never leave, and I can’t promise you that I’ll always come when you call, but I can promise that I will always come back. There may be problems I need to handle on my own, but I will always come back to you. So please, stay for me, and I will stay for you.” Dean visible relaxed a little when he said that, breath getting a little steadier as he comprehended what Castiel said. Then he looked at Castiel with confusion.

“What do you mean by ‘and I will stay for you’?”

“What?”

“You said ‘and I will stay for you’. What did you mean by that?”

“I have killed many of my brothers. Most of which I fought side-by-side with many years ago. It is a burden that you can never get rid of, no matter how much you try to atone for it.”

“I don’t quite know what that feels like, and I probably couldn’t imagine, but I’m sorry, if that helps at all.”

“Not really, but thanks.” At this point, they were sitting side by side on Dean’s bed.

“Yeah, I get that. I’d’ probably punch Sam if he tried to say sorry to me about all this shit.” Dean and Castiel stared at each other for a few minutes, both wondering what to do next. Eventually, Dean moved his hand on top of Castiel’s, laying on the bed. Castiel turned his hand over so he could properly hold Dean’s hand.

“Cas, if it’s not too much to ask, I don’t really want to be alone tonight. Do you mind staying with me?” Dean’s cheeks were red, and he was staring at their hands, gripping each other for dear life.

“Of course, Dean. Should I pull up a chair?” Castiel started to get up when Dean pulled him back down.

“I was actually thinking maybe you could stay here? I like holding your hand.”

“Of course, Dean. Anything you want.” Castiel smiled gently at him.

“Almost anything, you mean, right?”

“No. I meant what I said. Anything you want, I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	2. "What is this between us?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in season 8, Hunteri Heroici, the scene in the motel room (you know the one).

“Because if you do, the angels will kill you,” Dean asks, trying to understand why Castiel refuses to go back to Heaven.

“Because if I see what Heaven’s become- What I...” Cas falters for a moment, then quickly regains his composure. “What I made of it, I’m afraid I might kill myself.”

Dean quietly nods in understanding.

“Then stay. We’ll see what leads we can work from here. I’d like to have you around as long as you don’t have anything important you need to go away for. Besides, it woud be nice to have someone around who I-'' Dean freezes for a moment. “Who understands what it was like there, and who understands that it takes time to get used to being back.”

Castiel stands up and goes over to the table to look at what Dean was researching for the case. Dean gets up to follow him, mentally cursing himself for almost saying the wrong thing.

“What is this between us?” Castiel looked confused, as he closed the laptop and scooted the chair so it was facing Dean, who was still sitting on the bed.

Dean, who was following Castiel with his eyes, quickly turned to face forward again before slowly getting up and walking around the bed to face Castiel.

“What do you mean ‘what are we’?”

“My relationship with you is far different than my relationship with Sam, in a way that I have never experienced befre. Granted, I have never spent nearly as much time with any other humans as I have with you two, but this feels...” Castiel paused for a moment, searching for the right word. “Deeper than anything I ever thought I would experience. It may have something to do with the brand.”

“What- Brand? What do you mean ‘brand’?” Dean sat on the corner of the bed, facing Castiel.

“My handprint on your shoulder. That is a brand.”

“Why did you brand me?” Dean unbuttoned his shirt enough to slip it off of his shoulder so he could look at the handprint.

“When I was flying you out of Hell, at one point, I almost dropped you. If I had, then all our efforts would have been for nothing, and you would have been beyond saving. In order to not let that happen, I branded myself to you. In human terms, it is like I,” Casatiel tried to find an adequate comparison. “It’s like I handcuffed myself to you. Except instead of handcuffs, it was my grace, and I bound my grace to your soul. We are generally warned against doing this, as it can leave a lasting impression, but it’s what had to be done. So that handprint on your arm contains minute traces of my grace, intermingling with your soul. An unbreakable bond.”

“So you... You handcuffed yourself to me, and it left a permanent red mark on my wrist?”

“It is very clearly on your shoulder, Dean.”

“Right, of course. But in this handcuff analogy.”

“Then yes, and the red mark has remnants of my grace.”

“Then, and humor me here, what would happen if you touched it again?” Dean grew more curious with each word.

“I’m not sure, since you are the only example of a soul taken out of Hell by an angel, but if I had to guess, I would say that we would see your soul glow, if our bond is what I suspect it is.” 

“What do you suspect our bond is?”

“I’m not sure you would react well if I told you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are heterosexual.”

“I’m... I don’t think I am.”

“Why do you say that, Dean?”

“Because... Just because I haven’t ever... Done anything. With a dude. Doesn’t mean I never thought about it.” Dean’s eyes flashed with fear for a moment, his voice wobbling as he said it. “Or wanted to.”

“Oh.”

“But you can’t tell Sam. Please.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know if he will react like my dad. And I can’t lose him not again.” Tears were threatening to spill from Dean’s eyes. “Anyway, what did you not want to tell me? What do you think the bond might be?”

“Right.” Castiel leaned forward, searching Dean’s eyes for something.

“Cas? You’re scaring me a little here, buddy. What is it? I won’t be mad, please just tell me.”

“I... I think it might be love.” Castiel’s voice was barely more than a whisper, as he looked at the floor, preparing himself for Dean telling him to get lost or leace and never come back.

“Oh. Cas-” Dean knelt on the floor in front of Castiel, forcing him to look at him. “I think you’re right. I think I love you too. That’s why I wanted you to stay.”

Tears fell from Castiel’s face, as he took in what Dean was saying, and with the relief of finally having said it.

“I love you, Dean Winchester.”

“I love you too, Cas. Castiel. Aw, Hell. I love you, Castiel Winchester.” Upon hearing this, Castiel raised his head, so his eyes met Dean’s tear streaked beaming face.

“Castiel Winchester?” He looked quizzically at Dean.

Dean’s face reddend. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I love it.” Castiel grinned. “I always wanted a surname.”

“Well, in that case, you can have mine.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel stood up, Dean following his lead.

“You’re welcome, Cas. Winchester.”

Castiel brought his hand up to cradle Dean’s face. Dean covered his hand with his own and stepped closer to Castiel.

“Can I-” Castiel cut him off by kissing him, knowing that’s what he was going to ask.

After a few minutes of making out, they broke apart because they both needed to to breathe. Dean put his hands on Castiel’s shoulder, and held him out at arm’s length, studying his face.

“Dean? Are you okay?” The lustful look in Castiel’s eyes turned to concern.

Dean roughly pulled Castiel in for a hug, which Castiel gratefully reciprocated.

“I love you so much. As long as you are here with me, I’ll always be okay. Please don’t go back to Heaven. I don’t want you to die.” Dean buried his face in Castiel’s shoulder, inhaling the farmiliar scent of his trench coat.

“I love you too. And what do you mean about me not going back to Heaven?”

“You said that if you go back to Heaven and see what you did, you might-” Dean’s voice hitched. “You said you might kill yourself. Please don’t. I couldn’t live with myself if you did.” Dean’s grip on Castiel tightened, and he put one hand on the back of Castiel’s head.

“Trust me, Dean, I’ll never leave you. I’m an angel, I have been alive for many millenia, I don’t plan on going anywhere for at least one more.”

“You better not.” Dean’s voice was muffled by Castiel’s trench coat.

Dean heard the Impala pull up outside the motel room and immediately separated from Castiel.

“Please don’t tell Sam. Not yet, at least. I want to tell him at the right time. I’ll tell him when the case is over.” He placed a small kiss on Castiel’s lips.

“I won’t. I promise. But I will tell you that I know he won’t have a problem with it.”

“Thank you, Castiel Winchester.”

“You’re welcome, Dean Winchester.”

Right then, Sam opened the door and walked into the room and hunched over the table. 

“Hey, got something.”

“Good. Excellent.” Castiel walked over to the table to join him. “What?”

Sam straightened up and looked at Dean.

“Wait. Did you two finally fuck?”

“What? Dude, no.” After a moment, “we just kissed.”

“It took you long enough.”

“How did you know?”

“There wasn’t as much sexual tension in the air as there usually is.”

“Oh- Wait, you could tell by that alone?”

“Yeah. That and the fact that Cas’s hair is screwed six ways to Sunday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	3. "I don't want your apology."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after the scene in season 7 where Castiel gets his memory back, after being Emanuel for a time. They are going up to Sam’s hospital room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's really short, I was really tired.

“Dean. I really am sorry. I want you to know that that wasn’t me.” Castiel hurried after Dean up the hospital stairs, trying to keep up with him. 

“Yeah, well that’s where the problem is. Because it was you. I saw you break my brother’s mind. But of course you couldn’t do it in front of Bobby and me.” They exited the stairwell and started walking down the hall to Sam’s room. “You had to lock him in a freaking supply closet, while he was having flashbacks and hallucinations of the Pit.” Dean stopped walking and backed Castiel up against the wall. 

“Boys, we don’t have time for this,” Meg warned. 

“Well tough, because Cas here left Sam thinking he was back in the Pit. With Lucifer.” Dean punches Castiel in the nose. It heals immediately. He then holds his hand up to Castiel’s throat, effectively choking him against the wall. He looked into Castiel’s eyes and only saw sadness and regret. 

“Dean. I really- I am sorry. Even if- If you- Don’t care. I- I am.” Castiel was having a hard time talking, and tears were falling from his face. Dean was fully aware Castiel was letting him do this. He knew Castiel could kill him in a moment if he wanted to. He also knew Castiel wouldn't do that. 

“I don’t want your apology. I want my brother back.” Dean dropped his hand, releasing Castiel. He turned away, trying to keep what little composure he had left. “I can’t lose him, not- Not again. Not this soon, Cas, I- I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.” 

“Look, I hate to break up this romantic moment, but we have to get going. Now. Unless you want to be overrun with demons in the next few minutes, I suggest we keep this short and sweet. What do you say, Clarence?” 

“The demon-” 

“It’s Meg, Clarence.” 

“Right, sorry. Meg is right. If I am to save your brother, we need to hurry. Please, lead the way. I’ll follow you.” 

“Fine.” Dean led them to Sam’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	4. "You know I have feelings for you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rewritten version of the crypt scene when they find the angel tablet. To be clear, this was rewritten completely from my memory, so if it is very wrong, I apologize.

“Cas, don’t do this.” Castiel knew Dean was begging him, but Naomi had messed with him so much that he couldn’t bring himself to stop. 

“This isn’t you.” Castiel froze. Naomi had him Kill Dean over a hundred times. Why did this one feel different? Maybe it was because this one was the real Dean. Or maybe it was because in all the times Naomi had Castiel hill him, she had thought Dean would beg for his own life. But she was wrong. He was begging for Castiel’s. 

“Cas, please.” Castiel was about to drop his angel blade when he was suddenly in Naomi’s office. In Heaven. 

“Castiel, you have prepared for this. You know what you have to do.” Naomi was seated at her desk, talking to Castiel as though it were a simple business deal she was having him do, but it wasn’t. She was having him murder Dean. The one human who made him feel human. Feel loved. Who taught him to love. Taught him to love Sam, taught him to love the Earth, and most importantly, taught Castiel to love Dean. 

He was back in the crypt. He turned away from Dean, and put his hands over his ears, knowing it wouldn’t do anything. 

“Naomi, what have you done to me?” 

“Who’s Naomi?” Dean had stood up when Castiel turned away, and was trying to help Castiel, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do. 

“Naomi, I won’t let you make me kill Dean!” 

“Who is Naomi, Cas?” As Dean was reaching out to Castiel, he ducked under Dean’s arm to grab the angel tablet. As he was going for it, he appeared in Naomi’s office. 

“Castiel! Kill. Dean. Now. Remember, it’s your payment for the angels getting you out of Purgatory. Many angels died so you could live. And that’s not even counting the time you spent desecrating Heaven. You killed hundreds of your own kind, your brothers! Now you have to atone.” 

“I know I have committed many sins. And I know I have to atone for them. But killing is not the way to do that. I learned that in the war against Raphael.” 

Castiel was back on Earth. He had touched the angel tablet. It must have broken the connection he had to Naomi. But at the moment, something else was on his mind. Something he could only ask right then. 

“Why didn’t you beg for your life, Dean?” 

“What?” Dean took a step back in surprise. That was clearly the last thing he expected Castiel to say. 

“Why didn’t you beg for your life? Why did you tell me that that wasn't me?” Castiel stood up and faced Dean, the angel tablet in his hand. 

“Because it wasn't you. And begging for my life would have been worthless if you didn’t care.” Den took a step toward Castiel so they were about two feet apart. 

“How did you know that I wasn’t me?” 

“Because I know you, Cas. I have known you since you pulled me out of Hell. You- You know...” Dean took another step toward Castiel. One more step and their noses would practically be touching. 

“What? What do I know?” Cas tilted his head in confusion. 

“Man, don’t make me say it.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

“Dean, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You... You know I have feelings for you.” It came out as barely a whisper. Of course, Castiel heard it clearly, what with him being an angel and all. 

“Dean.” Castiel tried to get Dean to look at him, but Dean’s eyes were trained on the ground. 

“Dean.” Castiel laid the angel tablet on the table, and put his hands on Dean’s shoulders. 

“I have feelings for you too.” Upon hearing this, Dean raised his head. When Castiel saw him, there were tears running down his face. 

“But- But it’s more than that. I...” Dean took a deep breath. “I love you.” Castiel noticed Dean’s lgs were a little wobbly, and as soon as he did Dean fell onto the floor, his tears mixing with the blood on his face and falling into his cuts, making him hiss in pain. 

“Here. Let me help.” Castiel knelt next to Dean and cupped Dean’s face in his hand, healing it. 

“I really am sorry for doing this to you. Naomi brainwashed me after she got me out of Purgatory.” Castiel helped Dean sit up, heaping his hand on Dean’s back for him to lean against. 

“I love you too, Dean. I really do.” Castiel smiled saying this, feeling as though there was happiness in just being in the moment, in just saying it. Happiness. Another thing Dean taught him. Dean looked into Castiel's eyes for a few moments, then put his hand on the back of Castiel’s head and pulled him in for a kiss. Cas was knocked off balance by the unexpected action, and he fell on top of Dean. He quickly put his hand over the back of Dean’s head to stop him from directly hitting the floor. They made out for a few minutes, Dean laying on the floor, with Castiel on top of him. 

When they had to pull apart for air (yes, angels need to breathe as well), Dean motioned for Castiel to get off him. “We should get back to Sam and Meg, see how they’re doing. If you want to come with us, we can continue this in my room in the Bunker.” Castiel stood up, then helped Dean up. 

“That sounds great. You could be the babysitter. You do call your Baby, right?” Dean’s face reddened, as Castiel finished talking. 

“Okay, whatever. Let’s just get going, okay?” Dean grabbed the angel tablet, and they started walking out, but before they got to the door that led them outside, Cadtiel grabbed Dean’s shoulder and gently pushed him into the wall., with a hand flatly against his chest. 

“You’re going to be glad I have grace, else you wouldn’t be able to sit right for a week. Got that?” Dean gulped and nodded excitedly in anticipation for when they got back to the bunker. 

“Good boy.” Castiel let go of Dean and walked outside. Dean took a moment to get his breathing (among other things) under control before he followed Castiel out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	5. "What keeps you up at night?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place the night they spent in Dodge City, in 13x6 “Tombstone” (One of my top 3 favorite episodes) TW for talk about sexual abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just wanted to reiterate: TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse. They talk about it, that is kind of the main focus of this chapter. If you don't feel comfortable reading this, skip to the next chapter. (They're all oneshots anyway, so it won't affect anything.) Stay safe!

Dean couldn’t sleep. Well, Dean couldn’t sleep a lot of the time. Castiel knew that. It was one of the primary aspects of his personality. So why did it keep bugging him? He decided to go see Dean to ask him.

Castiel walked into the bedroom, through the odd, useless saloon doors. He already knew that Sam was asleep, and so was Jack, for about 2 hours, that is.

“Cas? What are you doing here?” Dean lifted his head up from the pillow and took his hand off the gun that was underneath it, in favor of sitting himself up.

“I knew you couldn’t sleep, so I-”

“Sh, Sammy’s asleep. Don’t want to wake him up.” Dean looked over at Sam fondly, the same way he had since he carried him out of their burning house all those years ago.

“Of course, I’ll be right back,” Castiel whispered, then disappeared. He reappeared moments later, and sat on Dean’s bed.

“Do you trust me?”

“What do you mean? Of course I trust you, Cas. Why?”

“Because I want us to talk.” Castiel put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, and looked into his eyes before instantly flying them to a different room.

The first thing that Dean noticed was that the lights were on. He blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes, trying to get used to the sudden change in lighting.

“What’d you do that for?” Dean asked, getting off the bed he found himself on. Castiel was standing at the foot of the bed.

“Because I want to talk to you, Dean.” He sat on the bottom right corner of the bed.

“Man, I was trying to fall asleep. Who’s room is this, anyway? Where are we?” Dean was starting to panic.

“Relax. We are simply in the room down the hall. The one across from the vending machines.”

“Oh. Okay. So, what did you want to talk about?” Dean sat on the bed with his back against the headboard. He motioned for Castiel to move to sit next to him, which he did.

“What keeps you up at night?” Castiel looked at Dean, not surprised to see Dean freeze at the question.

“What do you mean? That’s a very broad question, Cas.” Dean gulped and fix

ed his eyes straight ahead.

“Well, apart from the obvious being Hell, Purgatory, angels, demons, run-of-the-mill monsters, and things I already know about very well and could easily guess, what are some of the things that keep you up at night?” Castiel tilted his head at Dean and gave him a look that Dean couldn’t quite place, waiting for his response.

“Um. Well. I dunno, man. There’s a lot, I guess.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, a look of uncertainty on his face.

“How about we start with what you were thinking about right before I came into your room?”

“Okay, I was thinking about Jack.”

“What about him?”

“He’s Lucifer’s child, more powerful than pretty much anything we’ve ever gone up against before, except Amara, and he’s currently sleeping on the couch in our hotel room.”

“You know, Sam told me that Jack told him that I was his father.”

“What?”

“Sam said that when they were in the jail cell the day he was born, Jack asked him where his father was. Sam started telling Jack that he wouldn’t want to know Lucifer, but Jack interrupted him and said that he was talking about me. And not to give myself too much credit, but I like to think that I’m preferable to the Devil.”

“Well, yeah, obviously, but he got his powers from his dad. His biological dad.”

“His biological dad is the President,”Castiel stated bluntly. “Or did you forget the months you spent in the weird prison place that doesn’t exist?”

“You know what I mean. He inherited his power from Lucifer. He’s the Devil’s kid. He’s literally the Antichrist.”

“You know, the term ‘Antichrist’ isn’t actually in the original biblical lore. It was created in a version in the mid-1400s to fear monger people into being Christians.”

“Cas, you’re killing me here. You gotta know what I mean.”

“Right. Of course, Dean. But that’s like saying you are going to abusively neglect your children just because your dad did. And I know that that is most definitely not the case. Remember Ben?”

“Oh, you mean the kid and his mom whose minds I had you erase? Yeah, great example of how good of a father I am.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Fine.” Silence filled the room for the next few minutes.

“Okay what’s something else you think about at night?”

“When I was... Nevermind. I don’t really know.”

“What were you going to say? When you were what?” Castiel sat up and faced Dean. “What don’t you want me to know?” 

“It- It’s nothing. I promise.”

“Dean, you know I can tell when you’re hiding something from me. Please, tell me. I promise I won’t judge you.”

“Yes you will.”

“No I won’t. I promise. Just tell me, please.”

“YES, you WILL. Everyone does. At least everyone I’ve told. Which isn’t very many people. And besides. You’re an angel. I can’t tell you.”

“Dean, I PROMISE you. You can tell me anything. And I’m a sorry excuse for an angel. I can, however, grant you a Holy Pardon in the eyes of the Lord.”

“In the eyes of Chuck? No thanks, I’m good.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. Castiel knew that his chance to get Dean to open up was slipping away.

“In the metaphorical sense. It basically means you will be able to let go of the burden that comes with it.”

“Fine.” Dean took a breath. “But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Sam. He doesn’t know, and he can’t know.”

“I promise.”

“Okay. Um. I’m not sure how to start.” Dean closed his eyes, trying to concentrate. Castiel could tell he was starting to zone out. He laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder, grounding him.

“Start at the beginning. That usually seems to be the best place to start.

“Okay, thanks. So, when Sammy and I were little- not little, little, but like 12 and 16- I got busted for stealing peanut butter and bread. I got sent to a boys home for a few months, and when my dad finally came to get me, he was really mad. Not that I was stealing, but that I had gotten caught. I made a promise to myself that I would never steal again, but in order to keep that promise, I had to find a way to earn money. I had no car, I was a minor, and I was only in town for a few weeks at a time. I knew what my options were. Really didn’t want to have to resort to it, but one time, I think I had just turned 17, my dad was on a hunt, and he had left us with enough money to last us a week. He told us he would be gone for a week, so naturally I budgeted to make the money last for two weeks But then three weeks went by and we hadn’t heard from our Dad. We had run out of money two days prior, and I was letting Sammy eat all the food. I actually hadn’t eaten in three or four days, but Sam was getting the food he needed, which was the important part. Anyway, I realized that I had to get money one way or another, so I went out looking for jobs. There weren’t any available. At least not any without ‘prior experience’ or needing a drivers license. So I made a decision. I did the unthinkable. I put Sammy to bed and told him that I was going out with a few other people my age for a while. He didn’t suspect a thing. But I wasn’t going out with friends. I wish to God I was, but instead I went to the alley behind the busiest bar in town. I waited around for a little while, until a guy came out. He asked me what I was doing back there, and I- I told him- I told him ‘anything you want’. I’ve regretted saying those words ever since.” Dean hung his head in shame, and so that Castiel couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. “People always say that the first time is the worst. It’s true. The first time is when you’re the most scared, and everything is a surprise, you don’t know what to expect, and you aren’t desensitized to it yet. Anyway, when he was- When he was done with- with me, he tossed me on the ground... And basically threw a- a $100 bill at me. I went home that night, c- crawled into bed, and cried until... until the sun came up.” By this point, Dean was sobbing into Castiel’s shoulder, struggling to get the words out, and Castiel was holding Dean as though he believed he could shelter him from the memories.

“Dean, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” They stayed like that, hugging each other while Dean cried for a while. Eventually, Dean looked at Castiel.

“Ask me the question.”

“What?”

“Ask me the question. I know you have one on your mind. Go ahead, ask it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Go ahead.”

“Okay. When was the last time you, you know, did... it?” Castiel studied Dean’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. But Dean just seemed numb.

“The night before Sammy went off to Stanford. I didn’t know he would be leaving, I was saving up to get him a computer. I would’ve had enough within two to three days.” 

Castiel suddenly sat straight up and looked at the door.

“Cas, what’s wrong?”

“Dean, I’m so sorry. I was paying attention to you and blocking out everything else.” Castiel whispered to him. “It’s fine, just stay there.” He flew to the door, and opened it, to Sam falling through the doorway. Apparently he had been sitting outside, leaning on the door listening to Dean and Castiel, and hadn’t heard Castiel approach the door.

“Dean.”

“Sammy.”

“I had no idea.”

“That was kinda the point. You were never supposed to find out. Why are you up anyway?”

“I woke up, and I couldn’t find you or Cas, so I came looking for y’all, and I obviously found you. I’m really sorry.” Dean saw that Sam had tear tracks running down his face, and he sounded a little out of breath. He had been crying. Dean sighed reluctantly, about to start crying again.

“How much did you hear?”

“I started listening when you told Castiel that he couldn’t tell me, and knowing our track record with secrets, I stayed and listened. I really wasn’t expecting that, though. I’m really sorry.”

“Well, not to make you feel guilty, but I did those things for you. So as long as you never have to go through what I did, it will have been worth it.” Dean smiled sadly at Sam. “And besides, we can’t change the past, so let’s just forget about it. Please?”

“Dean, ignoring your trauma isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. Trust me, it hasn’t worked for me either.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t figure out a good way to end this, but that’s why they’re just oneshots, also I am writing this because I love writing, not to be read. I also wanted this one to end up being more of a brotherly moment. (The only part of these I plan out before I start writing this is when in the series it takes place.)  
> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	6. "I let you down."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mid scene of Dean and Cas at the Gas N Sip in S9 E6 “Heaven Can’t Wait”.

“This is not you, man. You are above this. Come on.” Dean followed Castiel as he brought a box of peanuts to be restocked. 

“No, Dean. I’m not. I failed at being an angel. Everything I ever attempted came out wrong. But here, at least I have a shot at getting things right.” Castiel started unpacking the peanuts onto the shelf. 

“You got me out of Hell, you did that right. Not everything you do comes out wrong, Cas, you’ve just hit a rough patch. Everyone has one. Eventually, you’ll be back on track.” 

“If this is, as you say, a ‘rough patch’, it’s one hell of one. I’m an angel of the Lord, and here I am stocking peanuts at a gas station. Not that there isn’t a human dignity to what I do, it’s just...” Castiel paused for a moment, looking sadly at Dean. “I let you down. I let Sam down. I let Kevin down. But you, most importantly. Probably because of our profound bond. You are the most important person to me!” Castiel was almost shouting. “And I let you down. And no, I am not above this, I am an angel, and I don’t have my Grace. Which means I am considered Human now, except I don’t have a human soul. I am nothing. The only reason I am still alive right now is because this is my rightful vessel, in the same way that you are Michael’s!” 

“Right then, Castiel’s manager came back into the store from the back. She came over to Castiel and Dean, who was looking sadly at Castiel. 

“Oh, and, tonight. 7 at my place work for you?” She looked between Castiel and Dean. 

“Actually no, I’m sorry, My boyfriend’s mom just died, so do you mind if I take the rest of the day off to stay with him? He has no one else.” Castiel felt guilty at how easily the lie rolled off his tongue. Dean looked at him in surprise. 

“Of course. That’ll be no problem at all.” She turned to Dean. “I’m really sorry about your mom. I hope you feel better soon.” 

“Thanks, it was really unexpected and I need C- Steve’s help right now.” Dean played the part perfectly, complete with the look of memories in his eyes. 

They went out to Baby, got in and drove off. After Dean filled her up with gas, that is. He was still being careful to play the part, as Castiel’s manager was watching them through the window. When he went to pay, the screen said “paid in the store”. Dean looked through the window, and saw Castiel’s manager waving at him. He nodded his head at her and got in the car. 

“So. Your manager’s nice.” 

“Yes, she is. I think she’s attracted to me.” 

“Yeah, no shit. And you turned her down. Why?” Dean pulled out of the gas station, onto the road. 

“Because you were here.” Castiel tilted his head at Dean, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Okay. Why did you tell her I was your boyfriend? And what was up with that story about my mom dying?” 

“I didn’t mean to offend, I was watching the television yesterday, and there was something on about someone’s significant other’s mother dying. It was the first thing to come to me when I tried to think of an excuse.” 

“Well, it was a damn good one. And I like to think I played that part pretty well.” 

“You did. Thank you.” 

“I was also wondering what you meant when you said that I was the most important one you let down.” At this, Castiel appeared uncomfortable. If he still had his grace, he could fly away. But he didn’t. He was an angel without his grace in love with a man who saved the world. He could feel a tear running down his cheek, and before he knew it, he was sobbing. 

When Dean saw this, he pulled off to the side of the road, and turned to face Castiel. 

“Woah, woah, woah. What happened, Cas? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Dean hated seeing the man he loved cry. No, not man. Angel. The angel he loved. Because even without his Grace, Castiel was still an angel. He was a broken human in love with an Angel of the Lord. He started to feel like crying too, but he held it in. He had to. Because Castiel needed his attention right now, and confessing his feelings to him while he was in such a vulnerable state would be selfish. 

“I- I don’t know. I was thinking about how I let you down, and all of the sudden I started crying. Is it a human thing?” Castiel looked at Dean pleadingly. 

“Okay, first of all, yes, it is a human thing. Completely natural, don’t worry. And second of all, you didn’t let me down. You were doing what you thought was right. Neither of us knew what Metatron’s motive really was. He tricked me just as much as he tricked you. The only difference is, you got really screwed in the deal. Got that?” Castiel nodded, sniffling. “And, Cas, I’m sorry I kicked you out. It wasn’t the right thing to do. Here,” Dean pulled his wallet out of his pocket, and took a card out of the wallet. “Have this.” He handed it to Castiel. “It’s one of the cards Charlie gave us. It’s practically unlimited, but don’t go buying a house with it. Basically, it’s a get out of jail free card. Or, in your case, a get out of work free card. You can use it to rent a motel room long-term, buy food, and pay for the essentials.” Castiel was about to burst out in tears again, but in happiness this time. He took the card and stared at it in wonder. He had a way to live. Finally. He didn’t have to work for minimum wage any more. 

“Thank you, Dean. Really. You have no idea how much this means to me. I know I can’t repay you, but let me at least get us a motel room for the night.” 

“Thanks, Cas. And don’t worry- Wait. Do you know ancient Elamite?” Castiel was surprised at the question. 

“Yes. I know almost everything there is to know. Why, what do you need?” 

“Kevin couldn't translate the tablet into English, so he translated it into Elamite. Could you translate it?” 

“Yes, of course! I was actually quite fond of it, and was disappointed when it went extinct.” 

“Great! Let’s get a room for tonight, and I’ll call Sam.” 

“They eventually pulled into a Route 6 Motel, and Dean stayed in the car while Castiel went in to get a room. 

“Hey, Sam. What’s up?” Dean was trying to sound nonchalant about finding both Castiel and an answer to the Elamite problem. 

“Hey Dean.” Sam sounded exhausted. “We have all dead ends here, no way to translate the Elamite.” 

“Wait, you talked to Cas? How’s he doing? Is he okay?” 

“Yeah, he’s fine, he’s getting us a room for the night at the moment. He has a job and everything.” 

“A job? What is it?” 

“A Gas N Sip employee. I just gave him one of the cards Charlie gave us, so he doesn’t have to do that anymore. 

“Ah, okay. Anything else?” 

“Zeke.” 

“What?” Sam was gone, it was Ezekiel. 

“I want to bring Cas home.” 

“No. I already told you he can’t be around me, I cannot allow other angels to find me, for your brother’s sake.” Dean pinched his nose. 

“Okay, but the bunker’s warded against angels. As long as you two aren’t outside it at the same time, they can’t get to you.” 

“I suppose. You said he can translate the Elamite?” 

“Yeah, wait, you can’t?” 

“No, I wasn’t on Earth much after the whole Adam and Eve thing.” 

“Oh, okay. Well, I’m bringing Cas home because I want to , and you’re going to let me because it benefits you, got it?” 

“Fine. Goodbye.” 

“Alright, see ya.” 

“Um, okay, bye. Tell Cas I said hi.” Sam was back right after Ezekiel said goodbye. 

“Cas is coming back, gotta go.” Dean hung up the phone as Castiel slipped back into the car. 

“The room is around back. The woman said it was the last one available, that there is a large biker gang passing through today.” 

“Okay, lets see what we have in store for the night.” Dean drove around back, and parked outside room 15, at Castiel’s command. They got out of the car and Castiel unlocked the door to the room, finding out that the last room in the place had a single king-sized bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	7. "We're safe, we're alive."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Season 12, Episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox”, no Destiel, no romance, I just wanted to write a good brother moment, and one of my favorite things to write is PTSD because it should’ve been shown way more in the show. [This should in no way be taken as W*nc*st.]

Dean took a sip of the beer. “That’s good. Uh, Dean Winchester.” 

“The Dean Winchester?” 

“No freakin’ way. Aren’t you dead, like four times?” 

“Actually, it’s closer to about uh...” Dean thought for a second. “A hundred and... Four? I think? I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think it’s a hundred and four.” At this, the whole kitchen fell silent. Everyone’s eyes went to Dean, waiting to hear how in the Hell he managed to die a hundred and four times. 

“What?” The guy standing in front of him stared at him as though he could read how Dean died on his face. 

“I should probably explain that.” Dean glanced around the room, seeing people mutter their agreement. 

“Okay, first, I’ll explain the easy ones. The first time I died was because I sold my soul in a demon deal to get Sam back from the dead. And because the demons knew who I was, even then, they only gave me one year before I would be dragged to Hell. Which I was, in ‘08. An angel brought me back after four months-” 

“What was Hell like?” A random voice from a corner of the kitchen. 

“I’m not going to talk about it,” Dean stated adamantly. “Anyway, the third- well, more accurately, the... hundred and third time.” 

“What about times two through a hundred and three?” 

“I’ll get to those last, they’re harder to explain. The- let’s just call it the third time, because that’s what it feels like to me- The third time was when I killed Dick Roman, the king of the Leviathans, and went to Purgatory for a year. For those of you who don’t know,”he added after seeing a few looks of confusion, “Purgatory is where monsters go when they die. They fight and kill each other forever. It was by no means fun, but it was pure. A vampire named Benny showed me how to get out. HE also saved my life about fifty times.” 

“Wait, you made friends with a vampire?” The scorn was tangible in the air. 

“He was cool. His name was Benny, he never killed a person once he came back, and he died saving Sam’s life.” Dean could hear reluctant grumbles of agreement all around. 

“Okay, so the latest time was in 2014, I got the Mark of Cain to kill Abbadon, the Knight of Hell, and Metatron, yes, the Scribe of God, killed me. But, apparently, if you die when you have the Mark, you can’t die, if you do, you’ll come back as a demon. Which I did. Sammy cured me, I’m obviously not a demon anymore, and we all lived happily ever after. Well, not happily, I mean, we are hunters. Just look at Asa for that proof.” Dewan realized what he just said. “Sorry. That came out wrong.” 

“And the other hundred and one times?” 

“Right. Have any of you heard of the Trickster?” Everyone shook their heads no. “Well, allow me to enlighten you. Tricksters are just pranksters with a messed up sense of humor. They kill assholes with a sense of humor. Well, they don’t always kill. They made one guy get abducted by aliens and they slow danced with him. He told me about it.” Dean shivered at the idea. So did a few other people in the kitchen. A couple others chuckled. ” Anyway, this was the second time we ran into this particular Trickster, who we later found out was the Archangel Gabriel.” 

“You’re kidding. As in the one who told Mary she was pregnant?” 

“The one and only. He’s dead, though. Lucifer killed him.. So, Sam and I were investigating this place called the “Broward County Mystery Spot”, where a guy had gone missing. Apparently, it was the work of Gabriel, and he ‘couldn’t resist messing with us when he heard we were in town’.” A few of the people looked disbelieving, but Dean didn’t care. He knew what happened, and that wasn’t going to change because a few random hunters thought he was lying. 

“I’m not a hundred percent sure these count, but they count to Sam, so I count them. Gabriel dropped Sam in a wormhole, where he was basically living Groundhog Day, except instead of falling asleep to restart the day, the day restarted when I died. According to Sam, this happened one hundred and one times.” 

A quiet “oh shit” was heard from the back of the room. 

“Did you die the same way every time,” the guy standing in front of Dean asked. 

“Nope, I think the first time, I was shot in the chest, and then, in no particular order, slipped in the shower, poisoned by tacos, shot in the chest again, crushed under a falling piano, mauled by a dog, hit by a-” Dean noticed everyone staring behind him. Weird. He turned around to see Sam, his eyes glazing over. 

“Sammy?” When he heard his name, Sam bolted. 

“I gotta go, that was it anyway.” Dean ran after Sam. 

He followed him into a random, seemingly unoccupied, bedroom. Sam sat on the bed, hyperventilating. Dean crouched down in front of him to face Sam eye-to-eye. 

“Sam. Sammy. Listen. You are at Asa Fox’s wake. The Mystery Spot was eight years ago. You’re safe. I’m safe, I‘m alive.” Dean put Sam’s hand on his chest. “I’m alive. Feel my heart beating? I’m okay. You’re okay. Okay?” Sam nodded, tears falling onto his lap, his head still hanging down. 

“Okay, breathe with me. In, and out. In, and out. In, and out. Nice and easy.” Dean could tell Sam’s breath was getting steadier. 

“We’re safe, we’re alive. I want you to repeat after me, okay? We’re safe, we’re alive.” 

Sam muttered the repetition out. They did it a few more times, Dean saying it, Saam repeating it back to him, until Dean could clearly hear every word Sam was saying. He then stood up and pulled Sam up into a hug. He could hear Sam cry quietly into his shoulder. 

“Better?” 

“A little.” Sam replied, his voice muffled by Dean’s shoulder. 

“Good. Do you want to go now?” Dean pulled away from Sam, and put his hands on his shoulders to ground him. 

“Just for a little bit, I want to come back, though.” 

“Okay, I saw an ice cream place a few miles back, how about we go get some ice cream, then come back.” Sam nodded, sniffling. Dean was reminded of a memory he had, of when they were kids, and almost the exact same thing happened. 

“There’s a door to the back of the house, and you can walk around to the car, okay? A walk and some fresh air will do you good. I’ll go through the house and tell them we’re leaving for a little bit. We can’t have a dozen hunters worried about us disappearing on them, now can we? God, imagine the hysterics.” Sam chuckled at this. Dean took that as a sign that it was all clear to get moving. “Okay, let’s go.” 

They both exited the room, Sam turning right to go out the back, and Dean turning left to go through the house. 

Once they both got out to the car, Dean drove them to the ice cream place. 

He got strawberry and Sam got vanilla, and they sat on the trunk of Baby, eating their ice cream. When they were done, they drove back to the Fox House. 

Hijinks ensued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! Let me know what you think, suggest a sentence prompt! I read all of them!


	8. “Don’t leave me.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set sometime around season 8, when Castiel has the borrowed Grace.

It was supposed to be an easy hunt. An open and shut vamp case. Two fangs, maybe three at most. 

Dean had Castiel working with him, temporary as his Grace might be, it was still Grace, so he didn’t feel the need to call Sam. Looking back, he really regretted that decision. He coule tell he only had about twenty minutes left. He had a pretty clear view of Castiel cutting the head of the last vamp from where le was laying on the floor. He had to admit it was pretty hot. Even with one foot through the veil, he could appreciate Castiel. 

After Castiel killed the vampire, he looked around and saw Dean on the floor, one hand on his neck, which was not doing very much against the blood that was rushing past his fingers, onto the dusty, cement floor. Castiel rushed over to Dean, and knelt beside him. 

“Dean. Here, let me try.” Castiel placed his hand over Dean’s, on his neck, and Dean could feel the familiar warmth of Grace, but when the feeling faded, he could still feel the wound on his neck. 

“Cas? What- What’s wrong, Dean mumbled. 

“It- It appears the borrowed Grace isn’t strong enough to heal you. I’m sorry.” Castiel started to stand up so he could sit down next to Dean in a more comfortable position. 

“Don’t leave me. Please. Cas- I’m scared, Cas.” Dean weakly lifted an arm to put on Castiel’s shoe, to try to stop him. 

“I would never leave you. I just wanted to adjust you so you are more comfortable. I’ll be gentle, I promise.” Castiel sat down, and carefully picked Dean up so he was laying in Castiel’s lap, Dean’s back supported by his arm. “Better?” 

“Mm. Yeah. Thanks... Cas... You’re the... Best. I... I l- Love you,” Dean said, with a slight smile, nudging his head into Castiel’s shoulder. 

“I Love you too, Dean.” Castiel looked at Dean with tears in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that this was how Dean was going to die. He couldn’t believe that vampires were able to do what the Angels and the Demons couldn’t. So he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed Dean, extremely gently, and Dean kissed him back. 

“When they kissed, Dean started to feel that same feeling that Grace gives you. He thought it was the feeling of kissing the person who you were truly in love with. The person who you’d been wanting to kiss for years. The person who saved your life over and over again. The person who saved you from Hell, whether it be literal or metaphorical. The person who was your soulmate. 

“When they broke apart, that feeling subsided but, unlike last time, he felt fine. Actually, he felt great. He felt as if every little ache, pain, and tiny paper cut he had was gone. He looked up at Castiel in surprise, then joy. 

“As corny as being saved by True Love’s Kiss is, I have to admit, I feel pretty good. Great, in fact. How about you?” 

Castiel looked down at Dean with so much love in his eyes, Dean thought it might kill him. “I feel great, Dean. You’re okay, you’re alive, and we just kissed. How could I be anything less than amazing.” Castiel hugged Dean tight to his chest. Dean managed to get his arms out from between his body and Castiel’s, and wrapped them around Castiel in return. 

They stayed like that for a while. Neither of them were sure exactly how long, but they just stayed there, content to be in each other’s presence. Content to finally be together. Content to just be.


	9. "Truth."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place around season 15, Sam & Dean are in a shitty motel on a hunt.

“I dare you to stick an ice cube in your shoe.” Sam looked over at Dean with a smirk. 

“Dude. No. We’re not eight anymore.” 

“You made me ask the front desk clerk if he had any lube. Trust me, I could be giving you a way worse dare right now.” Sam walked over to Dean and took his shoe off before Dean could react. “I’ll put one of these ice bucket bags in so your shoe doesn’t get wet. Not to be nice, but because we are driving all day tomorrow and I don’t want you complaining about having a wet shoe all day.” Sam put an ice cube in an extra ice bucket bag and shoved it in Dean’s shoe before tossing the shoe back to him. 

“Fine. How long do I have to have it on for?” Dean eyed the shoe with suspicion. 

“Ninety seconds. I’ll start the timer when you put it on.” Sam got his phone out and opened the timer, putting in 90 seconds. “Okay, I’m ready.” 

“Fuck you, man.” Dean put the shoe on, bag and ice cube included. “Hey, what do you know, it’s not so- Shit! Shit! God! What the Hell? Screw you, dick.” Dean started hopping around their room on one foot, cursing at Sam, who was laying on his bed in hysterics. After about a minute and fifteen seconds later, the timer started beeping, and Dean ripped off his shoe and sock with disgust. He took the bag with the, now melted, ice cube out of his shoe, tied it, and put it in the trash can. 

“I hate you.” 

“I know. It was worth it, though.” Sam was still laying down on his bed, so he didn’t see Dean give him the middle finger. “Okay, it’s my turn.” 

“Yeah. Truth or dare?” Dean sat on his bed, facing Sam, and Sam did the same on his own. 

“Truth.” 

“Okay, gimme a sec.” Dean thought for a moment. “Oh! You remember the night you broke Lucifer out of the Pit? The first time?” 

“Yeah? What about it?” Sam had absolutely no idea where Dean was going. 

“Why didn’t you ever respond to the voicemail I left you?” 

“What voicemail?” 

“The one I left that night.” 

“Oh, you mean the one where you called me a monster, a vampire? The one where you said that Dad told you that you would either have to save me or kill me and you chose to kill me?” Sam stood up and started pacing across the room. “That one? You’re wondering why I never mentioned it again? Fuck you, Dean.” 

Dean looked taken aback. “The one where I apologized to you. I didn’t call you a monster. I said you were my brother. I also said I wasn’t Dad.” 

“No, you called me a ‘bloodsucking freak’.” Sam’s eyes were starting to water. He had never forgotten that voicemail. He tried to, but he couldn’t. 

“No, I was up where they were keeping me in Heaven, and I left you a voicemail. The angels must have caught wind of what I was doing because they cut it off... Wait.” Dean sighed and got up to face Sam. “Do you think the angels can mess with voicemails? Because I may not remember exactly what I said, but I never called you a- I never called you that. I apologized for being an ass.” 

Sam was quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he spoke. “That- That’s good to know.” He sat at the table, and opened his laptop. “I actually have the voicemail saved on my hard drive. Do you want to hear it.” It wasn’t a question. 

Dean sighed and moved to sit on the other chair at the table. “Fine. Play it.” Sam played it. 

When it was over, Dean was mad enough to beat someone up. He got up from the chair, pushing it so hard that it fell back. 

“Those sons of bitches. I’m going to rip their Grace out! They- That was a violation of privacy! CAS!” 

Castiel appeared. “Hello, Dean. What’s wrong?” 

“The- I- Sam, tell him. I’m going outside.” 

They were staying in a small town, so Dean went out looking for a good place to get food. After about ten minutes of walking down the only street that had anything worthwhile to look at (seriously, this town was TINY, as in only three restaurants, and the closest McDonalds was two towns over), he found a diner. Before he could go inside, Castiel appeared by his side. 

“Dean.” 

“What, Cas?” 

“You need to talk to Sam.” 

“Why? I told him it wasn’t me, it was the angels. What’d you talk to him about?” Dean went into the diner and sat at one of the barstools at the counter. Castiel followed suit. 

“For eleven years, Sam has thought that you were going to kill him. He thought you told him that there was no going back. Dean, Sam honestly thought that you hated him and would never be able to forgive him.” 

“So what should I say? Sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry that the angels are dicks? No offense.” 

“Maybe something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry you had to hear that’, or, yes, ‘I’m sorry the angels screwed up my message’. Because at this point, it’s more about him hearing it than you saying it.” Castiel put his hand on Dean’s arm. “Please. I’m not sure you are aware of how much this affected him.” 

“Then tell me.” 

“Fine. When you left, Sam started crying. He told me to play the voicemail and went into the bathroom. I think you guys sometimes forget my hearing is far better than a human’s, because it was clear he went in there to cry without me seeing. After I played it, which, by the way, to angelic ears, it is clearly a shitty rendition of your voice. It was only passable to Sam because humans have limited hearing range. I told Sam that, by the way. I also showed him what it actually sounded like to angels.” Castiel broke off his eye contact with Dean to look at his menu. “In human terms, that is.” 

“And what would that be?” 

“This.” Castiel put his hand on the side of Dean’s face, so Dean could hear what it ‘actually sounded like’. 

“That sounds like Zachariah doing a crappy impression of me.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Fine, I’ll talk to Sam when we get back to the room.” After a moment, “Thanks, Cas.” 

“Always happy to help.”


	10. “I don’t believe it.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place around season 13. TFW 2.0 is on a hunt and they meet up with Claire. Sam, Dean, and Castiel have to go take care of some business, so they leave Jack and Claire in the motel room together. (Jack and Claire have never met before.) This is going to be like 95% dialogue btw.

“So. You’re Jack?” Claire asked, laying on her bed. 

“Yes. And you’re Claire?” Jack sat in the center of his bed facing Claire. Sam had decided to get two rooms for the five of them. Both were double queens. He, Dean, and Castiel were in one room, though Castiel didn’t sleep, and Jack and Claire were in the other. 

“Yup.” Claire sighed, hoping the rest of their time alone wouldn’t be as awkward as it currently was. 

“How do you know Castiel and the Winchesters?” 

“The name of the man that Castiel is possessing was Jimmy Novak. I was his daughter. Claire Novak.” Claire shifted to face Jack, who smiled at her softly. 

“Oh. Is your father in Heaven?” 

“Yeah. He’s with my mom.” 

“My mother’s in Heaven, too.” 

“What about your dad?” 

“Castiel is my dad, but my... Biological father is in another world. I think an adequate term you would understand better would be ‘alternate dimension’.” 

“Yikes. Why is he there?” 

“Well, when I was born, my power opened a rift, and he was fighting with Mary, Sam and Dean’s mother, and they both fell through. I haven’t figured out yet how to open it back up.” 

“Who’s your father? And why was he fighting with their mom?” Claire sat up on the edge of her bed to face Jack. 

Jack’s gaze lowered, and he appeared to shrink in on himself. “Um, Please don’t get upset.” 

“Why would I get upset? Who’s your father?” Claire leaned forward, interested. 

“Lucifer.” Jack’s voice was barely a whisper. 

“What?” Claire was sure she heard wrong. Until she saw Jack tense up before repeating himself. 

“L- Lucifer...” 

“I don’t believe it.” 

“What do you mean?” Jack relaxed a little. 

“You’re so... Not... Evil. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.” 

“I’ve been told I take after my mother far more than my father.” 

“Clearly. I mean, I’ve never met her, I haven’t really ever heard her mentioned except for right now, but she seems like an important person in your life, and a good influence.” Claire chose her words very carefully. 

“She was. I love her a lot, though I’ve never met her. Side effect of being a nephilim, I guess.” 

“What do you mean ‘side effect of being a nephilim’?” 

“When a neplilim is born, their mother dies. I’m not sure about everything, exactly. Castiel has offered to teach me, but I don’t really want to know.” 

“Yikes, that sounds rough.” 

“Yeah, but I have Sam, Dean, and Castiel, and they help me. Castiel knew my mother pretty well, so he tells me about her when I ask.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Yeah. Wait, is your last name Winchester, too?” 

“No. Well, yes. But also no. It’s Winchester-Kline. Jack Winchester-Kline. My mom was Kelly Kline.” 

“Ah. Nice way if memoralizing your mom.” 

“I like to think that, too.” They sat in amicable silence for a few minutes. “What about you?” 

“Well, Castiel has been possessing my dad for the past decade or so, but my mom died, I think two years ago now. Her name was Amelia. She had left me pretty soon after Castiel took my dad away, and I found out that she had been a Grigiri’s- Do you know what they are?” A quick nod from Jack confirmed he did. “She was a Grigori’s prisoner for a few years. When we found her, the Grigori tried to kill me, but she sacrificed herself for me. They killed the Grigori. Castiel told me that my mom is happy up in Heaven with my dad.” Claire was crying by the time she finished. 

“I’m sorry, that sounds awful.” Jack stood up and started walking toward Claire. “Do you want a hug?” She gave a tearful nod. 

They stated like that for a few minutes, Claire crying on Jack’s shoulder, hugging him tight, Jack hugging her back. 

“Thanks. I never really told anyone that before.” 

“That’s what friends are for.” Jack gave her a smile. 

“Excelt we’re not really just friends, are we?” 

“What?” 

“I mean, Castiel is kind of both our Dad. And I suppose Dean is, too. At least for me,” she added quickly. “Sam’s more of the cool uncle who taught me how to hack.” 

“They’re all my dads. So what would that make us?” 

“Siblings, Dumbass.” She lightly shoved Jack with her shoulder. 

“Siblings. Yeah, I like that!” 

“Nice!” 

“What do you want to do now?” Jack got up to look out the window. “There’s a diner across the street, and Sam gave me a card to use.” 

“Yeah, I could eat a horse.” Claire got up to see Jack staring at her, mildly horrified. “It’s a metaphor, Dumbass.” 

“Right. Um, Bastard.” 

Claire laughed at his retort. “That really the best you could do?” 

“It’s better than ‘Jerk’.” 

“Who says that?” 

“Sam. He calls Dean ‘Jerk, and Dean calls Sam ‘Bitch’.” 

“Those dorks.” Claire walked over to the door. “Okay, let’s go.” 

She opened the door, and went out, followed closely by Jack. They crossed the street, went into the diner, and managed to snag the last booth available. 

“You know,” Claire bagan, as they were looking at their menus, “I’ve been thinking.” 

“What about?” 

“I might change my last name, too.” 

“To what?” 

“Claire Novak-Winchester. Good idea or not?” 

“I think you should do what feels right to you. Not what you think anyone else would want. If you feel like a Winchester, then go ahead, but if you are just doing it to impress Castiel or Dean or Sam, then don’t do it. Not that you need to impress them,” he added quickly. “They think you’re pretty awesome already.” 

“Thanks. But I think I want to.” Claire put her menu down. “Do you know what you want to eat?” 

“Yes, I think I’ll get the corndog.” Jack put his menu down too. 

“Cool. I’m getting a cheeseburger.” 

“Do you think they’d let me get two corndogs?” 

Claire glanced back at the menu. “It comes with two corndogs.” 

“Really? Awesome!” 

“Alright, Dumbass.” 

“Shut up, Bastard. Oh, the waiter’s coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While trying to copy and paste this here from my Google Docs, I accidentally deleted the entire thing. I am very grateful for "version history".


	11. “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the first three sentences and you’ll know when it takes place. :)

Dean couldn’t believe it. Cas was gone. Cas confessed his love for him, and was gone. 

Correction: Cas was gone because he confessed his love for Dean. Ergo, Dean was the reason Cas was dead. 

Wait, no. Cas said Dean always did everything for love. Maybe he was repaying Dean for the love he gave him. And it got him dead. 

Cas said he did everything for love. 

Cas said he wasn’t a killer. 

Cas said he was selfless. 

Cas said he wasn’t “Daddy’s Blunt Instrument”. 

Cas said he was the most caring person he had ever met. 

Cas said Dean was his happiness. 

Cas said he loved Dean. 

Cas said he loved him. 

Of all people, Cas said he loved Dean. And he said why. The voice in Dean’s head couldn’t reason his way out of that one. 

His phone was ringing again. Wasn’t it ringing before? It was. But Cas had just died, so he couldn’t handle talking to anyone else. Cas had just died. Cas was dead. Cas loved Dean and he was dead. Wait. Phone. 

Dean crawled over to his phone, not quite trusting his legs yet. 

“Sammy?” 

“Dean! Oh, thank God. Well, not Chuck. Fuck him. Are you okay?” The relief in Sam’s voice was very worrying. 

“Where are you? What happened?” Dean didn’t feel like answering that question over the phone. 

“Are you sure you’re-” 

“I’ll just track your phone, stay wherever you are, I’ll be there soon.” Dean hung up the phone before Sam could hear how close he was to breaking down again. 

It took about ten minutes before Dean felt confident enough in his legs to stand. Before he left the dungeon, he went to the wall where the Empty took Cas, and put his hand on it, secretly hoping the Empty would take him too. Needless to say, nothing happened. Except for a fresh wave of tears. 

Ten minutes later, Dean left the dungeon, hesitating before closing the door behind him, then opening it a crack, in case Castiel comes back. 

He got into the Impala, and pulled up where Sam and Jack were on his phone. Some random-ass city in Illinois. Te texted Sam tht he could be there in about seven hours, to which Sam immediately replied with a thumbs up emoji. 

He got there in three hours. He was so caught up in his grief thaat he didn’t notice that there were no moving cars, no people. He almost ran off the road no less than four times because he could barely see through his tears. 

When he got there, Sam immediatelyrealized that something was wrong. First of all, because Dean was driving erratically. Well, more erratically than usual. Then he saw Dean’s face. It was red and puffy and tear-stained. Something was really wrong. 

“Dean. What happened? Where’s Castiel?” This caused Dean to start sobbing. 

“Woah, Dean!” Sam pulled Dean out of the Impala and wrapped him up in a big hug. They stayed like that until Dean started calming down. Still sniffling, but not crying so much. 

When Sam let go of him, Dean sat on the asphalt, against the side of the Impala. 

“Dean? Where- Where’s Castiel?” Jack sounded unsure, afraid of upsetting Dean. 

“Dead. Gay and dead.” 

“What does the gay pert have to do with the dead part?” Sam sat down to the left of Dean, and motioned for Jack to do the same on Dean’s right. 

“Does it have to do with the deal he made with the Empty?” Jack remembered when Castiel saved his life in Heaven. 

“You- You know about that?” Dean’s voice was muffled because his head was resting on his arms being held up by his knees, staring a hole into the asphalt. 

“What deal?” Sam looked at Jack over Dean. 

“When I was dying, Castiel saved me by making a deal that it would take him when he was finally happy.” 

Dean turned his head. “Why didn’t you tell us?” He sounded dead on the inside. 

“Because Castiel made me promise not to. I wanted to, but he said no. I’m sorry. It’s my ault if I had just told you, he would still be alive.” Jack was crying as he punched himself in the arm. 

“Jack- Jack, it’s okay. I- We understand. Castiel told you not to.” Sam put his hand on Jack’s shoulder with a reassuring look. 

“But- But if I told you, he might... still be alive.” Jack was now sobbing, so Sam, who had tears falling down his face as well, stood up and pulled Jack into a hug. The lack of something to lean against caused Dean to lay down, crying into his arms. 

Sam decided he needed to take charge. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to get in the Impala, and I’ll drive us back to the Bunker. It’ll be fast because there’s no one else. Jack, you sit shougun, and Dean, you can lay down in the back seat.” He pulled Dean up, opened the car door, and put Dean in the backseat. Dean was exhausted by this poing, and only about half-conscious. Sam and Jack both got into the front, and they drove to the Bunker, stopping for gas along the way. That’s where the Miracle fiasco happened. 

When they got back, Dean was in a deep sleep, so Jack transported him onto his bed. Sam went to the Library to research. What he should research, he had no idea but he had to do something. 

{[I’m skipping the rest of the events from 15x19, because I really don’t want to rewatch it, so we’re picking up at the beginning of the scene where Jack is God, and he has just brought everyone back.]} 

“Can- Can you bring Cas back? Please?” Dean had been pretty constantly crying since Castiel died, so of course that was the first thing he thought of when Jack became God. 

“I’m not sure. I can try, though. Give me a minute.” Jack disappeared. 

The Winchesters could probably guess this, but Jack went to the Empty. 

“Hello?” 

“What are you doing here?” Jack turned around. It was a woman. Well, it was in a woman’s form. Jack recognized her as Med, the demon, from stories. 

“Where’s Castiel,” Jack snarled. 

“He’s, hm, he’s busy.” 

“I need him back. Can we make a deal?” 

“That depends. I like Castiel, I’ve been wanting him for a while. Now I have him. Whatever you offer me better be good.” 

“I can offer you silence. I will take Castiel, and I can promise you nothing will ever bother you again.” 

“Sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?” 

“No catch. If you give me Castiel, I give you silence. Nothing new will ever come here again.” 

“Fine.” A throne appeared, with Castiel sitting on it, unconscious. Jack rushed over to him and knelt down next to him. “Castiel?” Castiel’s eyes opened slowly, to see Jack. “Hello, Dad. Let’s go home, okay?” Jack stood up and held his hand out for Castiel to take. 

“Jack. Thank you.” Castiel took Jack’s hand and stood up. 

“Ready?” Castiel nodded. Jack closed his eyes and transported them right back to where he was, in front of Sam and Dean. 

“Cas?” Dean looked to Sam to make sure he was seeing the same thing, and that Dean wasn’t just hallucinating. 

“I’m here, Dean. I’m so sorry, it was the only way to save-” Castiel was cut off by Dean ramming into him and hugging him tighter than he’d ever hugged anyone. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear. “God, I love you so much, Cas.” 

“I love you too.” 

Sam had hugged Jack, and they were chatting a few feet away, while Dean and Castiel were still hugging. 

“So, how’d you do it?” 

“I offered the Empty eternal silence. Nothing else will ever go there again.” 

“What will happen to angels and demons when they die, then?” 

“I’m not sure. I only brought back humans when I ‘brought everyone back’, so I’ll have a littke time to figure out what to do with them. I’ll probably create another world that they will go to when they die. I would have to lock it, though, so that no one can reach it, so no rifts can be opened. But what happens if they die there? They won’t. I’ll make it so that nothing can die over there, and they absolutely cannot come back here unless I personally bring them back.” Jack was talking to himself at this point, but Sam was stil listening to him, nodding along.


	12. “I’m sorry, what?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry, what?”

Dean was organizing the trunk of the Impala, handing things to Castiel to put on the fold-up table they set up next to the Impala in the Bunker’s garage. Salt rounds. Demon knife. Rosary beads. Spray paint. Salt. Gasoline. Box of Zippo lighters. Various small boxes. God, it’s tedious. 

Axe. Silver knife. Witch killing bullets. Random animal blood. Two pairs of fake glasses. Gu- Wait. Fake glasses? 

“Cas, can you hand those back, please?” 

“Why?” 

“Just... Please.” “Ok, here.” Castiel held the second pair of glasses back to him. Dean took them, turning them over in his hands. He couldn’t remember for the life of him what was special about them. There had to be something, they were placed carefully in the trunk so they wouldn’t break. Shrugging, he put them on. 

Nothing. Nothing different, that is. To be fair, he was only looking at the trunk. He decided to look at the rest of the garage to try to figure out what was special about them. Then he panned around to Castiel. 

Wings. Holy fucking wings. Black wings. Wings that went down to the bottom of Castiel’s trench coat. Wings. Wingswingswingswingswings. ANGEL WINGS. 

Castiel noticed Dean looking at him oddly. “Dean? Are you okay? What do the glasses do?” 

“Um...” Dean took a deep breath, unable to form coherent sentences. He just kept staring at Castiel. Or rather, at a vague space near Castiel. 

“Sam! Can you come in here real quick,” Castiel shouted into the hallway. 

Not a minute later, Sam came running into the garage. “What’s wrong?” Upon noticing Dean, “What’s up with Dean?” 

“Here, just put these on and tell me what you see.” Castiel gave the first pair of glasses to Sam. 

“Okay. That’s not a weird request at all.” Sam put the glasses on, and quickly took them off again. 

“So what’d you see?” Castiel tilted his head at Sam inquisitively. 

“I didn’t know angel wings looked like that.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Csatiel eyed Dean nervously, still staring at what Castiel could now tell to be his wings. 

That’s right! These glasses are holy-fired! We used them for the first trial, when we had to kill the Hellhound.” 

“Okay, that makes sense.” Castiel went over to Dean and took his glasses off, breaking Dean’s trance. 

“You- You have wings.” Dean finally spoke. 

Sam rolled his eyes, chuckling before he turned to go back to wherever he was before. Or, more likely, to the library to look up angel wings. 

“Yes, I do have wings. They are considered ‘sexy’ in Heaven. I have no idea why. You may have heard other angels call me ‘pretty boy’ or whatever. Crowley once told me I had ‘sex appeal’.” Castiel shuddered. “It was very odd.” 

“They’re so pretty. Cas, your wings are gorgeous! Can I have the glasses back so I can see them again?” 

“If you promise not to zone out. It’s uncomfortable.” Castiel held the glasses out to Dean. 

“Deal.” Dean took the glasses and slipped them back onto his face. 

Castiel did a 360, then when he was facing Dean again, he spread his wings high above his head. “So, what do you think?” 

“I love them.” Immediately realizing what he said, Dean blushed and looked away. 

“Thank you, Dean. I admit I’ve been neglecting their upkeep, but I’m glad you like them. To be honest, I’m a little surprised that you and Sam can see them without your eyes burning out of your skull, but given the fact that you’re Michael and Lucifer’s vessels, I really should’t be.” 

Dean’s mind was still wiped clean of any thoughts as he took the glasses off, and put them in his pocket. He wanted to be able to see Castiel’s wings again. Cas saw this and rolled his eyes. 

“Come on, we need to finish with the trunk.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I just have to... Go to the bathroom. Be back in a few minutes.” Dean quickly walked out. Castiel rolled his eyes and started on his own, albeit slower. There was a reason this was a two man job.


	13. “I’m sick.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for homophobic, biphobic, and suicidal thoughts. Takes place sometime around episodes 3 to 5 of season 13.

Sam had checked the library, the war room, the kitchen, Dean’s room, the garage, even his and Jack’s room, everywhere, but he couldn’t find Dean. He did note that the Impala was still in the garage, so Dean couldn’t be far. He decided to check to see if he could track Dean’s cell signal, if his phone was on. 

It was. However, it wasn’t in the Bunker. Right outside it, in fact. In the abandoned warehouse next door. And judging by the altitude, he was at or near the top floor. 

And he had been there for an hour. 

An hour? Sam could’ve sworn he’d talked to Dean fifteen minutes ago. Time must’ve really gotten away from him when he was studying. 

After checking in on Jack to let him know he was going outside for a little while, Sam set off to see what Dean was up to. When he got outside, he found that it was dark out. Wow, time must have really gotten away from him. He thought it was three in the afternoon. But nope, it was about six. 

He didn’t need to turn on the flashlight on his phone until he got into the warehouse because it was a full moon. Sam made a mental note to check for werewolf-y things in the news tomorrow. He made his way up the warehouse, careful to not step somewhere that might break. It took about ten minutes, but he finally made it to the door that led out to the roof. Before he opened it, he took a deep breath, having no idea what to expect on the other side, but hoping to find more than just a phone on the ground. 

He was there. Sitting on the ledge. Sam made sure to move loud enough to be heard, without being quiet enough to scare Dean as he was approaching him. The last thing Sam wanted was to scare Dean, to make him jump, and fall off the ledge. Falling from that height would most definitely kill him, especially with the rough terrain below. “Hey, Sammy.” Dean didn’t turn around. In fact, if Sam didn’t know his voice, he may not have known it was Dean that said it. 

“What are you doing? Why are you up here?” Sam walked normally now, since Dean knew he was there. He still stayed a few feet away from the ledge. Even though it was about three-and-a-half feet tall, it was still low enough for Sam to feel uncomfortable standing too close to it. Dean, on the other hand, was sitting on it. 

“I wanted to watch the sunset.” Dean's voice sounded monotone, as if he didn’t really feel what he was saying. 

“Okay, but the sunset was over an hour ago. Why are you still here?” 

“I didn’t want to get off. I wanted to enjoy the night air.” 

“Not- Not that that isn’t nice, but why? You’ve never cared about that before.” 

“Because... Because I wanted my last memories to be good ones, to be ones normal people have. No monsters or gods, just the sky.” 

“But- Wait, ‘last memories’? What’s wrong, Dean?” 

“I’m sick.” Dean turned his head so Sam could see half of his face. It was clear he’d been crying the whole time. His face was read, his nose was runny, and his voice just sounded sad now. 

“If you’re sick, we can find some angel or something to heal you. It doesn’t mean you’re going to die.” 

“Not that kind of sick. Not physical. In my head.” 

Sam realized this was a tougher situation. “Well, what’s happening? If I know, then maybe we can work on finding a solution.” 

Dean laughed, but it was empty. “I- I think I’m in love with Cas.” 

Sam sighed in relief. “Oh, that’s it. Okay. Dean, you aren’t sick.” 

“Yes I am. Dad always taught us that being gay was bad, and I know that he was wrong, that it’s totally fine, hell, some of our best friends are gay. Well, Charlie, she’s lesbian.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

“I like both.” 

“Both, as in you like both guys and girls?” 

“Yes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My head can’t seem to choose. I... I don’t know what to do.” Dean scooted closer to the edge. “I just know that there has to be one. I can’t have both.” Dean scooted even closer to the edge, supported almost all the way by his hands. 

Sam darted forward and grabbed Dean from behind, pulling him backwards. He miscalculated the leverage, resulting in both of them falling on the ground. 

“What the Hell, man?” Dean angrily got up, breathing heavily. 

Sam stood up. “You’re not sick. You’re two things. One, a fucking drama queen. Two, bisexual. Do you know what that is?” Dean shook his head. “It’s whan you can love two or more genders. Not that gender isn’t just a societal construct,” he added to himself. “You know?” Dean still looked confused. “It’s like being gay and straight. 

“But in the way that you like both, not the way that you don’t like either, right?” 

“Right. That other way is called asexual.” 

“Ah.” Dean sat down against the ledge, but on the ground this time, leaning against the ledge. “Are you sure it’s a real thing?” 

Sam looked it up on his phone and handed it to Dean. “Yes, they even have their own flag.” 

Dean stared at the phone, tears welling up in his eyes. “So, um, you don’t mind?” 

“No, Dean, I don’t mind at all. As a matter of fact, I’m pansexual. Or pan, for short, like how you would be bi.” 

“What’s pansexual?” Dean handed Sam’s phone back to him. 

“It’s when you can love someone without gender being a factor. Personally, I don’t see a huge difference, just the vibe that each of them has. And you definitely have a bisexual vibe. 

“What’s a bisexual vibe?” 

“Cuffed jeans, flannels, granted we both wear flannels, jewelry that isn’t there to look cool, but as a memory, or, in your case, serves a purpose. Uh, emotionally constipated, I’m not sure what else, but you know what I mean.” 

Dean was quiet for a few minutes, processing everything. Part of his emotional constipation, Sam assumed. 

“Okay.” Dean stood up and helped Sam up. “I want burgers. I’m going to get burgers. You want some? From that diner in town? Ask Mini Satan if he wants anything and text me.” He went over to the door to go down. 

“Wait- Dean, shouldn’t we talk about what almost just happened?” 

“We just did. It was a good talk.” 

“Dean, bisexuality isn’t the only reason someone would... Do that.” 

Dean closed the door, sighing. “What do you want to know?” 

“Why?” 

“Because... I love Cas. I’m in love with Cas. And he’s dead. For good this time.” Dean was getting angry. “We saw him die. I carried in his corpse. I put him on the table. I wrapped him up to be burned. And we burned his body.” Dean was almost sobbing by this point. “He’s dead, and he isn’t coming back. Not this time.” Dean sat down against the door, his head in his hands. “He’s gone,” he sobbed. “For good.” He was starting to hyperventilate. “Gone. He’s gone. Cas- Cas is- Gone. He’s dead. He- I didn’t- Get to say...” Dean’s eyes were glazed over as he started breathing harder and harder. 

Sam quickly went over to Dean and knelt down beside him. “Dean, listen to my voice. You’re safe, I’m here. We’ll get Cas back. I promise.” This was clearly doing nothing to help Dean. Sam stayed by Dean, trying to get him to calm down, but nothing was working. Eventually, Dean passed out, his arms going limp in his lap and his head falling forward. 

Sam had seen his brother unconscious before. A lot, actually, more times than most people see their brothers passed out, but this time was different. Maybe it was because it wasn’t because of any supernatural force. Maybe it was because Dean lad literally passed out from a panic attack. Maybe it was because the panic attack was because his soulmate (Dean didn’t explicitly say that, but Sam wasn’t blind, as many times as he wished he was around them) had died in front of him, and he had to burn Castiel’s body. 

Whatever the reason, Sam knew what he had to do. He picked Dean up, and slowly made his way down to the ground, then to the bunker. He couldn’t open the door, so he kicked it loudly, hoping Jack would hear. Luckily, Jack did hear, because no more than twenty seconds later, Jack opened the door and Sam rushed in past him. Jack followed, worried, as Sam rushed into Dean’s bedroom, and placed Dean on his bed. 

“What’s wrong with Dean?” Jack was standing in the doorway, looking like he didn’t know if he was allowed to be there. 

“Dean... Has some problems with expressing his emotions. He bottles them up for a long time, then they all come out at once. This time, there was so much he tried to keep in that when I pried, he broke down and couldn’t handle it. He should be fine tomorrow. Well, not fine, but awake. I hope.” 

“Well, it’s good that he got them out.” 

“Why? Didn’t you see how broken he looked?” 

“Yes, but it’s a good thing he didn’t try to stuff more in, or else he would be even worse. Right?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

Jack looked satisfied that he got something right, but he was very worried about Dean. As much as Dean hated him, Jack didn’t want him to die, and would do anything to help him. 

“Hey, Jack. I see your wheels turning. Trust me, this is not on you. Dean has an unhealthy amount of issues that he refuses to do anything about. Come on, let’s go get burgers. You like burgers, right?” Sam put his arm around Jack’s shoulders to lead his almost-but-not-quite-yet son to the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I haven't been posting as much, I haven't been writing as much. I'm tired because I'm depressed. As is pretty much all of this fandom, I assume. Anyway, I posted all that I have written. I might not post for a while, but I'll try to whenever I can.


End file.
